Mountain Meditation

Picture the most beautiful mountain you know, or know of or can imagine.  One whose form speaks personally to you, focusing on the image or the feeling of that mountain.  Noticing its overall shape, its lofty peak, the base of the mountain rooted in the earth, the steep or gently sloping sides.  Notice how massive it is, how unmoving, how beautiful, whether seen from afar or up close.  Maybe your mountain has snow at the top, and trees on the lower slopes.  Perhaps it has one prominent peak or a series of peaks or a high plateau.  However it appears, just sit for a moment with the image of this mountain.  Observing it -- noting its qualities.

Throughout the day, as the sun travels the sky, the mountain sits.  Lights and colors are changing moment by moment, the mountain just sits, motionless.  As the light and shadows change, night follows day and day follows night.  The mountain remains still as the seasons change, the weather changes, moment by moment and day by day, the mountain remains, abiding all change.

In summer, no snow may remain on the mountain, except perhaps a small bit of snow at the very top.  In the fall, the mountain may display a coat of brilliant colors, in winter it may be covered by a blanket of snow or ice.   In any season, it may at times find itself enshrouded in clouds or fog, or pelted by freezing rain.  Visitors who come to visit may be disappointed that they cannot see the mountain clearly.  But it’s all the same to the mountain, seen or unseen, in sun or clouds, broiling or frigid, it just sits being itself.  At times, visited by violent storms, snow and rain and in strong winds.  But through it all, the mountain sits.

Spring comes, and birds sing in the sun, leaves return to the trees, flowers bloom on the mountainside, and streams overflow with water from melting snow.  Through it all, the mountain continues to sit, unmoved by the weather, by what happens on the surface, by the world of appearances.

When you feel ready, see if you can bring the mountain into your body, imagine you are the mountain.

Your head becomes the lofty peak, your shoulders and arms become the side of the mountain, your bottom and legs become the base, strongly rooted in the earth.  The elevated quality of the mountain felt deep in your spine.

You are the mountain, unwavering in your stillness, a centered, rooted, unmoving presence.

As we sit holding this image in our minds, we can embody the same rootedness and unwavering stillness in the face of everything that changes in our own lives, over seconds, hours and years.  In our lives, and in our mindfulness practice, we experience constantly the changing nature of mind, and body and the outerworld, we experience periods of light and darkness, vivid color and drab dullness, storms of various intensity and violence in our own lives and minds, and in the world around us.  We endure periods of darkness and pain, as well as savory moments of joy and uplift, even our appearance changes constantly, just like the mountains, we experience the weather and a weathering of our own.

We can adopt this strength and stability of the mountain as our own.  We can use it to encounter each moment with mindfulness, equanimity and stability.  Our emotional storms and crises are more like weather on the mountain.  We tend to take it personally, but its strongest characteristic is impersonal.  It is not to be denied or ignored, but respected and acknowledged.  But we can also acknowledge our own power, incredible strength and inner stillness that will allow us to recognize that storms will pass, the sun will shine, the weather changes, but we can weather the storms just like the mountain.

As the mountain, we remain still, strong and powerful, through whatever changes surround us.

Top Ten Mindfulness Tips from 2012

In 2012, we explored many ways to bring calm and joy into our lives.  Here is a recap of some of our favorite tools to help us lead a more stress-free, joy-filled and meaningful life.

 1. Breathe Deeply

That's our story and we are sticking to it - one of the simplest and most effective ways to calm down is through simple mindful breathing exercises.  The simple act of taking a few long, deep breaths can work wonders on your body and your mind. Research has shown that the simple act of breathing deeply and fully can stop the release of stress hormones in the body and allow physical and neurological function to be restored to a normal state.  Breathing deeply and mindfully helps stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system which triggers this relaxation response.  By focusing your attention on your breath, you will also slow down the tornado of thoughts spinning around in your mind.   So, try to stop for a minute or two each day, close your eyes and breathe deeply, inhaling fully through your nose and filling your lungs and belly as you inhale.  Then, empty your chest and abdomen completely as you exhale.  Repeat for a few minutes in the morning or throughout the day to find a bit of space, calm and relaxation wherever you are.  Try it with your children and you will be teaching them a valuable way to calm themselves down in any stressful situation.  It even helps at night to relax and unwind before bedtime, and get a better night sleep. So, in 2013, keep breathing deeply!

2. Do An Act of Kindness

Little acts of kindness not only brighten other people’s days, but can go a long way in increasing your own happiness. The new and emerging science of positive psychology, the study of happiness, shows that we can increase our own sense of wellbeing by making other people happy.  So, share a smile with a stranger, help someone open a door, offer a helping hand to someone in need, and you will feel a wonderful sense of connection and joy.

3. Practice Mindful Listening

Often when we lend an ear to a child or a friend, we are in problem solving mode.  We are analyzing, judging, or trying to fix something most of the time we are listening.  The truth is that people just want to be heard and feel listened to.  So, try some mindful listening by saying little, by looking into the other person’s eyes and  by giving them your full attention  - no texting, e-mailing or other distractions allowed.  We all know that frustrating feeling when we are speaking and we can actually feel that the other person is not really listening to us.  Rather, be a compassionate and fully present listener.  What a wonderful gift to give a child, parent or friend.  In doing so, you are also modeling mindful listening and may reap the benefits of that person learning to give you their full attention in return.

4. Think of Something You Did Well Each Day

At the end of each day, we often go through a list of all that we failed to accomplish and all that we did not do well.  Instead, at the end of each day, make a list of all that you did right.  We need to take the time to recognize and appreciate all that we accomplish each day, big or small.  Whether it is taking some much needed time for ourself, making sure our children are clothed and fed, calling a friend that we haven’t spoken to in a while, or completing a project at work, we need to appreciate our efforts and recognize our worth.   We may feel we are in a “thankless” job or situation, but the truth is there is great value in thanking ourselves on a job well done.  So, each night make sure to think about something you did well each day – you deserve it!

5. Take Time for Yourself

As we mentioned in one of our first blogs, it is so important to put your own oxygen mask on first.  We cannot find peace and calm in the world around us if we are not peaceful and calm ourselves.  We cannot expect our children to be relaxed and joyful if we don’t model that behavior.   So, it is essential to take a time out and make time for yourself.  In the end, it is not only a wonderful opportunity to connect with yourself, but it will pay off many times over in how you interact with the world around you.

6. Keep a Gratitude Journal

We often get stuck in the monotony of our daily schedules and forget to take note of the extraordinary gifts we have in our lives.  One way to get out of this rut, is to buy a small notebook and create a Gratitude Journal.   This can be a personal journal or you can create a family gratitude journal, in which each member of the family can jot done one thing he or she is grateful for each day.  You can also make this a family routine during dinner, with each person reflecting on something good that happened that day.  Research has shown that by simply recalling a positive experience our bodies release pleasure hormones, which can give us an increased overall feeling of wellbeing.

7. Unplug

It is increasingly apparent that we are becoming a society addicted to our electronic devices, unable to go for 60 seconds without checking our e-mails, voicemails or texts.  In 2013, challenge yourself to "unplug" for at least 30 minutes each the day, and during mealtimes.  Make “screen free” time in which you turn off your devices, phones and computers.  Although these are valuable tools in our modern world, they are also a source of distraction, increased stress, and huge energy zappers because they take us away from where we are and who we are with.  Checking our messages while engaged in a conversation with someone sends a strong message to those we are with that they are not important or worthy of our attention.  We must be mindful as well of the example we are setting for our children as we constantly check our devices while we are at a stoplight, while they are talking to us or during mealtime.  We can’t ask them to unplug if we are not willing to do the same.  So, take time each day to power off, so you can tune in and be fully present in the moment, before those moments pass you by.

8. Look into their Eyes

We have all heard that the Eyes are the Windows to the Soul.  Try it out and see for yourself.  Make a point of looking into the eyes of the person you are with.  When saying “Good Morning” or “Thank you” to people throughout the day, look into their eyes and see if you notice a difference in how it feels.  You can establish a much greater connection to the people around you by taking the time to stop and notice them by looking into their eyes.  So often these days we are so busy doing other things, that we don’t take a few seconds to truly acknowledge the people around us.  Try it and you will see that you can enrich your everyday experiences with your children, your colleagues and even total strangers by simply taking a brief moment to truly notice them.

9.  Take a Walk in Nature

Enjoying nature is a great way to take a much-needed break in our busy, hectic lives.  It offers us the opportunity to slow down, breathe deeply and clear our minds.  When taking a walk, running, hiking, or walking the dog, try to be fully present where you are, rather than solve problems, make mental lists or think about your busy schedule, which takes you somewhere else.  Use this time to clear your thoughts, appreciate where you are at that moment, and connect to the beautiful world around you.

10. Practice Acceptance

In 2012, we wrote about Letting Go of Expectations.  The flip side of that lesson is to practice acceptance.  Life is a roller coaster ride, full of ups and downs, great joys and great disappointments.  If we can learn to accept that life is not perfect, we are not perfect, those around us are not perfect and we embrace those imperfections and accept people and situations as they are, life becomes much easier.  We can learn to accept ourselves and the people in our lives for who they are, not who we want them to be.  In doing so we learn to embrace and appreciate ourselves and others with an open heart and mind.

Finding the Light in the Midst of Darkness

In the wake of the recent tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, we entered this holiday season with a heaviness in our hearts.  We struggle to comprehend the incomprehensible and to fill a deep hole in our hearts that seems impossible to fill when thinking of the 26 innocent souls that we lost on December 14, 2012.  Yet, we can emerge from this horrific moment in our history by focusing on the incredible acts of human kindness that we have seen following that terrible day.

We are now aware of the amazing acts of courage and selflessness of the teachers and staff who risked their own lives to save the lives of innocent children.  We have heard numerous accounts of first responders who acted with bravery and compassion in dealing with the horrific scene they found at the elementary school that day.   We have seen images of  people from around the country and the world, people from different backgrounds, with different religious affiliations and different political views, offering their support, sending gifts and sharing their love in any way they can during this time of national mourning.  Through these countless acts of kindness, we can feel a renewed sense of hope, inspiration and faith in the incredible strength of our basic human goodness.  This is the good in all of us that we must recognize and foster that can help us overcome our sadness, anger and grief.

When we see the heartbreaking images of those beautiful young children who were killed that day, we see in their smiling faces such joy, innocence and life.  This reminds us all to notice those amazing qualities in our own children, in ourselves and in the people around us.  We have heard the mourning parents speak about how blessed they feel to have had their beautiful children in their lives, even if only for a short time.   Their words remind us all how important it is to stop and take a pause in our busy days to notice the richness of our own lives and the beauty of all that surounds us, and not wait until it is gone to fully appreciate all that we had.  We are reminded to tell those we love how much we love them, to give our children an extra hug and kiss and to take the time each day to be fully present in our lives.   We are reminded that life is too precious to be lived unaware of its beauty each day.

So, in response to the tragedy in Newtown, we can find hope and inspiration to move forward toward a better future for ourselves and for our children.   We can take away so much from this tragedy that will help us to rise up, be strong, come together and foster the love and compassion that we all have an endless capactiy to give, which is the perfect tribute to those beautiful souls we lost in Newtown.

The Art of Letting Go

As the New Year approaches, we begin to look back at the year that has passed and consider all that we experienced.  We think about our New Year’s resolutions and set our intentions for the year to come.  Looking at the past, we often want certain things to be different or better in the New Year and we strategize to change our lives by doing something differently. This year, try adding to your resolutions for 2013, the practice of letting go. There is so much to be gained from learning to let go.  How can I gain something from letting something go, you may ask?  Read on and you will see that the rewards of letting go can be life changing.

There is so much that we hold onto in our lives that cause us pain and suffering.  We cling to our desires and our expectations, and when those desires are not satisfied, and those expectations are not met, we suffer.  We want things to be a certain way, and when life does not unfold as we had hoped, we are sad, angry, disappointed or depressed.   We often resist what is actually happening because it is not what we want to be happening, and we suffer through it.

We can eliminate so much of our negative emotions and experience greater joy in our lives, if we practice the art of letting go.  By analogy, we can look at our own bodies.   We hold a tremendous amount of tension in our bodies, often in our necks, backs, and shoulders.   Many of us aren’t even aware we are physically tense until we begin to feel severe aches and pains in our bodies.  Yet, often unknowingly we are clenching our muscles in response to stress.  Once our attention is drawn to those areas, we recognize the tension.  After becoming aware of where we are holding this tension, we can work on releasing it.   By letting go of our tension, we can literally move through life with greater ease and less pain.   In much the same way, we cling emotionally to so much that causes us great pain.   It is the art of letting go that can bring us tremendous relief and offer us the opportunity to move through life with greater ease.

So what do we need to let go of?  This is often the most challenging part of this exercise because we need to look deep within ourselves to understand what we are truly experiencing.  Here are a few of the big things we can look at in our own lives and ask ourselves, “How is this serving me?”  If it is not serving you in any positive way, then let it go.

Letting go of Expectations

A common source of emotional pain and suffering occurs when our expectations are not met.  We may feel great disappointment, sadness or anger when colleagues, friends or relatives do not act in a way that we had hoped they would act.  Perhaps we are not getting the support that we need from someone.  Or, we do not have the kind of relationship that we had hoped for. Or, we simply think someone in our lives is a very difficult or challenging person (we may use other words to describe that person, but I will stick with these).   It is important to remember that this is not about who is right and who is wrong.  There is no judgment in this exercise.  The goal is to recognize that what we are getting (or not getting) from someone is not what we want.  Since we cannot force others to act in a way that meets our expectations, the best path to alleviate this emotional pain is by simply letting go of those expectations, and accepting what is.  Once we let go of our expectations, it is remarkable how a relationship can change.  By releasing the grip of our attachments to our expectations, we open ourselves up to new possibilities for connection.

We place some of our greatest expectations on ourselves.  In our culture, we strive for perfection in the way we look, in our lifestyles, in our own behavior and in our children.  We set incredibly high standards and feel disappointment when we fail to meet those lofty goals.  Yet, as Anna Quindlen so beautifully said, “The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work on becoming yourself."

As parents, we also need to take a close look at the expectations we set for our children.  Are they realistic?  Are we ignoring our children’s needs and their individuality when we place certain expectations on them?  Sometimes we need to let those expectations go in order to let our children flourish and grow on their own terms and in their own way, rather than imposing on them our own desires and wishes for who we want them to be.  Once we learn to look at them through an unfiltered lens, void of the distortion of our own expectations, we may be better able to see the incredible people that they are.

Letting Go and the Art of Forgiveness

The ability to forgive is one of the greatest acts of letting go.   Nelson Mandela once said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”  Clinging to unhealthy emotions, like resentment, is a self-destructive behavior that does not serve you.  On the contrary, clinging to resentment will only cause you tremendous pain and suffering.   It is extremely difficult to forgive others when they have wronged you or someone you love, but holding on to deep resentment or hatred will do nothing to your “enemy” but will do great harm to you.  Can you identify a person who you are unable to forgive? Can you think of an event that continues to trigger negative emotions?  How is that serving you?   How would it feel to simply let that go?

The BIG One - Letting go of Fear

Most stress and anxiety is deeply rooted in fear.  We may not always realize this, but if we dig deep enough, we will find fear at the base of almost all stress and anxiety.  We are afraid of being alone.  We are afraid of not being loved.  We are afraid of failure.  We are afraid that our children will fail.  Our ultimate fear, of course, is the fear of death.  These fears cause us sleepless nights, stressful days, and lots of running around trying to prevent these things from happening.

Again, we must ask ourselves, “How is this serving me?”   Will it prevent me from being alone?  Will it help me to be loved?  Will it prevent me or my children from experiencing failure?  And, the big question, will fear prevent me from dying?  We all know the answers to these questions, and yet, we continue to live with stress and anxiety that stems from our fears.

It is important to remember that fear is a perfectly normal feeling.  However, when fear causes great stress and anxiety in our daily lives, which leads to sleepless nights and our inability to experience happiness in our days, then it is important to practice the art of letting go.

I experienced a profound moment of letting go in my early twenties on an airplane at 10,000 feet above the earth.  I was traveling for work when the airplane began to bounce through the air as we experienced quite a bit of turbulence.  I panicked.  I clenched the armrests, and began to envision the plane plummeting downward.  I was petrified, alone, fearing the worst possible outcome.  And then it happened.  I recognized that there was absolutely nothing that I could do to help the airplane land safely.  I was aware that my fear was causing my heart to race, my breathing to speed up, and my hands to feel numb as I continued to envision my impending doom.   Yet, I also recognized that my fear was not serving me.  I was suffering.  So, I made the conscious choice to let go.  In some ways I opened my heart to what was happening and accepted it as it was.  I took a deep breath, picked up my magazine, assured myself that it would be all right and I began to read, choosing very specifically not to allow my thoughts to be consumed by fear.

Letting go can be an extremely difficult thing to do.  However, by releasing the strong grip of fear, resentment or expectations, we can experience tremendous freedom and open ourselves up to new possibilities.  We have the incredible power to let go.  By letting go, we can free ourselves to experience life with much greater ease and much less pain.  So, this New Years Eve, I invite you to consider the possibility of letting go of those things in your life that are not serving you.  In doing so, you will find greater peace and ease in the year to come.

The Calm Before the Storm

Just before Superstorm Sandy hit our area, in what was the calm before the storm, I attended a beautiful service in which the following thoughts were read aloud by Rabbi Jeffrey Segelman.  I was struck by the beauty of his words and wanted to share his thoughts with you.  We are sending our love and prayers to those impacted by this devasting storm.

The Calm Before the Storm  . . .

There is something called the “calm before the storm.”  I do not know whether it is a scientific reality – whether there really is a “calm before the storm.”  It’s possible.  Or it might be that when we know a storm is coming and we are playing out all the terrible possibilities in our mind, the present reality just seems very calm.

But in either case – whether real or perceived – there is a calm before the storm.

I sometimes think that we don’t use it properly.  We usually use the calm to prepare for the storm.  Yes, I imagine that is important.  And yet, it would be nice if we could appreciate the calm without images of the storm infecting it.  Wouldn’t it be nice if we could take a walk in the calm before the storm, and just enjoy the calmness?  In the calm before the storm the wind may be invigorating – not destructive.  In the calm before the storm, the drops of rain may be refreshing - not drenching.  In the intense quiet of the calm before the storm, we can think, we can close our eyes, breathe in life, and maybe we can hear the still small voice of God.

Life is filled with storms – physical storms, emotional ones, spiritual ones.  Sometimes they take us by surprise; but sometimes they don’t, and there is a special – almost holy – calm before the storm.  The trick is to not let the fear of the storm destroy the peace of the calm.  We can use the calm to give thanks for what we have – even as it may soon blow away.  We can use the calm to pray – use the calm to listen – use the calm to love.

Thank you God – for the calm before the storm.

-by Rabbi Jeffrey Segelman

Children’s Body Scan Meditation

Let’s begin by lying down in a comfortable position on the floor, with your arms resting gently on the ground, and your eyes closed.  Feel the weight of your body as it rests on the earth.  Feel the earth supporting you. Feel your feet resting firmly on the ground.  Pretend that you are an ice cream cone on a hot summer day and simply melt into the ground.  Rest your attention only on the sound of my voice.  Let all of the other sounds in the room fade away.  

I am going to lead you on a scan of your body as a way of getting centered and relaxed - a reminder that you can be at home and at peace in your own body.

Start by settling your attention on your feet.  Feel the weight of your feet as they rest on the earth.  Notice the position of your feet, the sensations inside the feet, travel along the bottom and tops of your feet to your toes.  Just notice what you feel there. . . . Notice each toe and move your attention from toe to toe noticing how they feel.  Notice the space between the toes.

Now bring your attention to the tops of your feet and then to your ankles.  Bring your attention up your shins and around to your calves.  Notice how the backs of your legs feel.  Now, bring your attention to your knees, the front of your knees and the back of your knees.  Notice how they feel.

Bring your attention to your thighs, the front of your thighs and the back of your thighs.  Now move your attention up to your hips and see what sensations you feel there.  Notice how your lower back is resting on the earth.

Move your attention to the back body, to the lower back, to the mid back, to your shoulder blades. You may feel stiffness or tension, whatever you encounter, simply notice it.

Keep moving your attention around to the front of your body, to your abdomen and rib cage.  Notice how that feels as you inhale and exhale.  Slowly move your awareness to your chest, noticing any sensations you find there. Notice the lungs themselves, as you breathe . . . Does the breath reach into all areas of the lungs?  Notice the heart itself, and the sensations and movements within the heart.  Notice how it feels.  .  .

Move your attention back to the tops of your shoulders.  Slowly move your awareness down the upper arms, feeling your elbows, your forearms. Let your attention rest for a moment on your hands - the palms of your hands . . . the backs of your hands. See if you can feel each separate finger, each fingertip. . . .

Slowly move your attention back up to the top of the hands, back up the arms to your shoulders and neck.  Notice your neck and your throat.  Notice any tension or tightness . . . notice the feeling of breath as it passes in and out with ease.

Bring your awareness slowly up to the front of your face. Be aware of what you encounter. Tightness, relaxation, pressure. Turn your attention to your eyes as they gaze inward, and feel the weight of your eyelids as they rest over your eyes  . . . Move your attention to your nose.  Notice the feeling of air as it passes through your nostrils.  Is it warm or cool?  Feel your cheeks and your jaw.  Is your jaw clenched or loose? Just notice what you are feeling and continue to breath through these sensations. . . .Feel your mouth, your teeth, your lips, the light pressure of skin on skin, softness, coolness.

Bring your attention to the back of the head, over the curve of your skull, notice your ears as they buffer the sounds of the room.  Now, bring your attention to the top of your head and simply feel whatever sensations are there—tingling, pulsing or the absence of sensation.

Now bring your body as a whole into your awareness, and take a moment to scan through your entire body.  Allow your breath to become more full, taking a few deep breaths.  . .

As you end the meditation see if you can continue to feel the world of sensations and all of its changes, moment by moment, as you move into the activities of your day.

Gently and gradually regain awareness of your surroundings.  When you feel ready, open your eyes.

Guided Meditation – Going Somewhere Peaceful

We are going to go on a little trip right now.  Like tele-transporting us to another place and another time.  

Gently close your eyes.  Relax your body.  Take a few deep breaths.  Breath in for 5 slowly, then out for 5 slowly.

Now, think of your favorite place to be in the whole wide world.  Take a moment to think about a place where you love to be, where you feel a deep sense of peace and calm.

It can be a beach, on a mountain, in your bed, anywhere you feel really safe and calm, and completely relaxed.  Somewhere you love to be.

It may be somewhere you have been recently or a while ago.

Once you have chosen your favorite place, imagine yourself there right now. (pause for ten seconds)

Notice how you feel in this place. (pause)

Look around and notice what you see.  (pause)

Notice the colors and the shapes of things around you.  (pause)

Notice if you hear any sounds . . . any smells . . . (pause)

Are you standing, sitting or lying down?

How does it feel . . .notice what your hands are touching and how it feels . . . Notice how you feel in this special place . . .

Slowly come back into the room and open your eyes.

How did your body feel when you are in that place?  You can go visit that place any time.  Enjoy!

Children’s Core Breathing Meditation

Find a comfortable position either sitting or lying down.  If you are sitting, sit with your spine straight, your shoulders relaxed, your feet resting gently on the ground and your hands resting comfortably on your lap.  If you are lying down, feel the weight of your body resting gently on the earth and melt into the ground.  When you are ready, you can gently close your eyes or gently soften your gaze downward. You may hear sounds in the room, just hear them.  Simply listen to them.

Now bring your attention to your breath.  Take a few deep breaths.   Take a deep breath in and release a deep breath out.  As you breathe, feel your chest and your belly filling with air and rising.  As you exhale, feel your chest and belly falling.

Now, breathe normally.  As you breathe normally, notice where you feel your breath in your body.   Is it in your nostrils?  Your lungs?  Your abdomen?  Simply feel it, one breath at a time.

(pause and allow the child time to experiment with this feeling)

You may find your mind wondering a bit.  When you notice that you have forgotten about your breath, simply bring your attention back to the feeling of your breath.

Remember that there is no right or wrong way to do this.

Simply bring your attention back to your breath and breathe normally.  Continue to pay attention to where you feel your breath in your body.

How does it feel as it enters your body?

How does it feel as it fills your body?

How does it feel as it leaves your body?

Don’t try to control the breath.  Don’t do anything to it.  Just be aware of your normal, natural breath.  See if you can be aware of the beginning of each inhale . . . The feeling between your inhale and your exhale. . .the feeling of each exhale.

See if you can feel the beginning of your exhale.  Feel the rising and the falling, the in and the out.

You may get distracted.  It’s OK.  Simply return your attention to the feeling of your breath.

(You can pause or repeat these instructions as you feel is appropriate with your child and adjust the length of the meditation accordingly.)

Now, feel your body on the chair or on the ground.  Feel the earth beneath you.  Feel your feet touch the ground, your hands resting gently on your legs or on the earth.

Simply be here.  In this quiet moment.

As we end our meditation, you can bring your attention back to any sounds in the room.  You can slowly wiggle your hands and your feet. When you are ready you can gently open your eyes.

The Journey is the Reward

During this crazy time of "re-entry" into our "back to school" schedules, the relaxation of summer vacation seems to fade quickly into the stress of school, the pressures of work, and the chaos of our busy lives.   It is often helpful (and often necessary) to pause and refocus a bit to get a healthier sense of what in the world we are doing all of this running around for.  By looking at some age-old words of wisdom we can put things in perspective.  So, let’s take a deep breath, chant "Om" and think for a moment about the ancient Chinese proverb, "The journey is the reward." Often, we get so caught up in how to get to where we want to go that we fail to learn from and enjoy all that life has to offer us along the way.  It is helpful to remember that it is not our destination that really matters in the end, but how we got there. We may never even reach that particular destination and end up somewhere else entirely.   Wherever our path may lead, it is in our travels along the way where the real living, loving and learning happens.  Sure, goals are important, but it is the bumps in the road, the flat tires, the wonderful downhills and the surprises along the way that make the journey so valuable and the destination that much more rewarding once it is reached.

It is helpful to remember this as parents, as we race our children off to school, then get them from school to their music lessons or team practices, all while trying to get a healthy dinner served sometime in between and homework done before bedtime.  When feeling frustrated by all the running around that we do, we can’t help but ask ourselves, what is the point of all of this?  In those instances, remember that is not the goal of becoming a concert musician or a professional athlete that really matters.  (The reality is that few of our children will become professional musicians or athletes.)   Rather, it is the incredible experiences that they are so fortunate to have and that we are blessed to be able to provide for them, that enrich their lives so deeply.  It is the practice and discipline in doing these activities, the great knowledge they gain from their interaction with their teachers, coaches, teammates and friends, the ability to overcome their fears, the perseverance they learn from trying again and again, the joy in lending or receiving a helping hand, and the feeling of satisfaction they get when they know they have done their best and that they are loved no matter what the outcome, this is their journey and their reward.

Similarly, as parents, we must remind ourselves that it is not just setting goals and achieving them that matters most in life.  If we are always looking for our reward in the achievement of our own goals or in the goals that we have set for our children, we may find that reward elusive.  The real challenge (and joy) comes in knowing when to lead and when to follow along on the path, in getting to know your child and in being there for them along the way, wherever their path may lead them.  That is the real goal in parenting.  Simply being present for a child on the long car ride home after a disappointing game, lending a shoulder to cry on when things don't go well at school, listening with an open heart when there is something on their minds, laughing out loud together, filling with pride when watching your child's achievements, these are the rewards of parenting, this is our journey.  Learning to appreciate these precious moments as they come and being present for them is an incredible gift to both parent and child.

It is also important to remember that there is great value in doing nothing at all – no plans, no running around – in trying not  to do so much, but rather in just being.  If you think of your life as a kayak trip, there are times when you need to paddle , times when the current will push you in directions you never intended to go, and times when you need to be still, rest, and simply take in all the beauty around you.  Most important is to enjoy the ride, wherever your destination may be.

Back to Reality

It's been a glorious summer for us at 2bpresent.  We took time from the normal school year schedule and lived weeks in a very unstructured unscheduled manner.  As we are now in August, we have been struck by the reality of returning to a school and life schedule that is drastically different from the way we have lived for several weeks now.  In pondering this shift that is going to have to take place the following lyrics from En Vogue seemed apropos to share with all of you. Back to life, back to reality.  Back to the here and now, yeah.  Show me how, decide what you want from me.  Tell me maybe I could be there for you. However do you want me? However do you need me?  How, however do you want me?  However do you need me? Back to life,  back to the present time.  Back from a fantasy, yeah. Tell me now, take the initiative. I'll leave it in your hands until you're ready... Summer is a break from the reality of the hectic schedules that we have during the school year.  People asking of us and us pouring ourselves out to those we love and the causes that we support.  We are wanted and needed and needed and wanted 24/7.  By breaking from that for summer we are able to refuel and come back recharged.  The transitions from one to another are not without anxiety for us or for our children.  For our children they have shifted from school schedules to summer (camp or unstructured chill time) and now what they focused on so much is coming to a close and the hectic school schedules that they have are approaching them once again.   Can we incorporate the best of what they love from the summer into their normal school year schedule?  Can we put a little less on all of our plates this year and have more time to just be together as a family?  Will they miss something if they aren't as busy?  Will we?

September also coincides with a climatic shift as the sweltering warm days start to turn cooler.  We go from shedding clothes to adding layers to stay warn.  As we look toward this transition, can we add mindfulness and meditation into the layers we wrap ourselves in?  Incorporating a mindful practice into the way we interact with those we love the most and those who we just barely touch.  Mindfulness can make those shifts be they seasonal or from summer back to school smoother and easier for ourselves and our families.

If you are interested in learning more about beginning a practice of mindfulness and meditation, please join us as we once again journey to find Real Happiness following the work of Sharon Salzberg and other experts in this field.  Click here for more information on this upcoming course and on our event hosting Sharon Salzberg in our community.

Sharon Salzberg Joins 2bpresent for a night on Real Happiness

Join 2bpresent for an evening with

Sharon Salzberg

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

7:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m.

Sharon is one of America’s leading spiritual teachers and authors.  She is cofounder of the Insight Meditation Society (IMS) in Barre, Massachusetts.  She has played a crucial role in bringing Asian meditation practices to the West. The ancient Buddhist practices of vipassana (mindfulness) and metta (lovingkindness) are the foundations of her work.

Happiness that is not shaken by conditions begins with imagining that such stable and open happiness exists, and could exist for us. We also need wisdom in order to know how to make such happiness real. This implies patience, perspective, and an ability to see things as they are. During this evening we will explore our notions of happiness, strength, aloneness and possibility. We'll practice meditation along with dialogue and discourse. Suitable for both beginning and more experienced meditators.

To register for this event click here

For more information about Sharon please visit: www.sharonsalzberg.com

How to Make that Vacation Last

“Vacation, all I ever wanted.  Vacation, had to get away.  Vacation, meant to be spent alone.”  Well, maybe not alone, in fact with 13 other people, but what a vacation it was!  After returning from an amazing vacation a few weeks ago, I can’t seem to get that classic 80’s tune from the Go-Go’s out of my head.  (Yes -- I was/am a huge Go-Go’s fan.)  In fact, I can’t seem to get my head back from vacation. This was no ordinary vacation.  I spent six days living at sea on a sailboat with my family of five.  Along for the adventure were two other families, dear friends, sailing across the beautiful blue Caribbean sea in their own boat, meeting us at remote islands each day to hike, kayak, snorkel, swim and play on the beach.

I realize that this was a very unique vacation, a vacation that is probably not for everyone, and one that was totally my cup of tea (or my cup of rum punch as the case may be).  Each day I enjoyed watching the sun rise and the sun set.  I kayaked each morning over the still, calm water before cooking and eating breakfast with my family.  At breakfast, we talked about the beauty of the crystal blue water around us and imagined all the pirates and explorers who had sailed on these seas before us.  After breakfast, we sailed on to our next destination, thrust forward only by the power of the wind as it caught our sails.

It all sounds heavenly, but it was not all luxury cruising.  During our sailing time, we all pitched in to help hoist the sails, swab the deck, check the lines and clean the galley.  We had limited water onboard, so water conservation in toilets, showers and sinks was a challenge and a necessity. No cell phones, no internet, no cable TV.  Our time was spent reading, talking, swimming, snorkeling, exploring, and simply enjoying the beauty of our surroundings. We were on our own, no captain and no crew, just us.  For me, it was the ultimate exercise in getting away from it all.

Now that I am home and back to a busy life in suburbia, I find myself with the same feeling I have after a wonderful yoga practice and blissful shavasana (for non-yogis, shavasana is done at the end of a yoga class when you lie on your back with your eyes closed, breathing deeply, as you relax the muscles that you just worked and you melt into the ground beneath you).   After shavasana, I often ask myself, how can I keep this deep state of calm, quiet and relaxation going off my yoga mat?  Since returning from my sailing vacation, I have been asking myself, how can I hold on to that blissful, relaxing feeling of my vacation now that I am home and back to my daily routine?

To figure out the answer to this question, I made a list of what it was about the vacation that helped me to feel so connected, relaxed and rested.  I concluded that if I could come up with a list of what made the vacation so fantastic, I would work to incorporate those things into my life at home in an effort to enjoy each day in a more relaxed, less stressful and less exhausting way.  Why not make a little part of each day like a mini-vacation?  Why wait for those few weeks a year to truly unwind and nurture myself?  Short of magically creating the beautiful blue sea, ocean breezes, rum punch on a sandy beach, and a beautiful boat to sail on, here is what I came up with:

(1)  Start the day with some time for peace, quiet and contemplation

(2)  Get exercise everyday - keep that body moving

(3)  Connect with Nature any time you can

(4)  Eat healthy, fresh food and get some rest

(5)  Spend quality time connecting with family and friends

If I could treat myself to these five things each day, would I feel some of that vacation state of mind back home?  I will say that I have tried it and, although it is not quite the Caribbean around here, it has been wonderful to take time each day to indulge in what makes me happy and more peaceful, and to take a mini break in an otherwise hectic day.  Most importantly is the idea that instead of pushing through the unpleasant business of each day and simply dreaming of the next opportunity to take a break from it all, I have tried to truly enjoy each day as it comes by incorporating into each day some of what makes me feel happy and peaceful.  Here are some observations I have made along the way and suggestions for how to incorporate these five things into your life.

First, it is interesting to me that once our lives get busier and more stressful, the first things that we “have no time for” are the things we need most.  The first thing to be cut from our schedules are often the things that I listed above.  Ironically, these things are needed most when we are busy and stressed.   By incorporating them into our lives, we will feel less stressed and better able to cope.   We will also have more energy to tackle our long “to do” lists.  If we include in our days the five things listed above, we can maintain at least some of that calm that we had on vacation and we won’t need to begin the count down to our next vacation the moment we return home from our last getaway.

Start the day off with a few minutes of calm.

On vacation, we have physically removed ourselves from the distractions and aggravations of our everyday lives.  When we are "away from it all," we are able to focus on truly being present and enjoying every moment of our getaway.  We are able to experience fully where we are and how relaxed we feel both physically and mentally.  When we return home, we find ourselves back in the thick of it, our minds twirling with what we need to do next, no longer able to enjoy being where we are.  With some practice and a little effort, however, we can foster our ability to bring that focused, relaxed feeling into our lives everyday by simply taking the time to recreate that vacation state of mind wherever we are.

Most of us hear our alarms each morning and like a good thoroughbred at the starting gate, the bell sounds and we are off to the races.  We dread getting out of bed because what follows is often unpleasant --  yelling at the kids to get up as we rush through our morning routine, hurrying and scurrying to get everyone out the door.   Tomorrow, try something different.  Set your alarm half an hour earlier and enjoy a few minutes of quiet time before the busyness of the day begins.  Stretch your body while taking a few deep breaths, sit for a few minutes just taking some slow deep breaths in quiet meditation while concentrating only on your breathing, enjoy a quiet cup of coffee or tea while taking in the view out the window, or sit outside for a few quiet minutes if the weather is nice.  Notice how good that feels, how peaceful, how vacation-like.   Those wonderful moments of quiet each morning can set you up for a calmer, less stressful and more enjoyable day ahead.  Think of it as a treat for yourself, a little pampering, a chance to center yourself before the busy day begins.   Don’t use that time to go through your “to do” lists, watch the news or check your e-mail.  Instead, use it as a time to really relax and take in the peaceful quiet and stillness of the morning.  You deserve it and the few less minutes of sleep will pay off in a calmer, more peaceful you.

Get your blood pumping and enjoy the outdoors

Too often, we cut out our time to exercise when our day is crammed with meetings, appointments, and a giant “to do” list.   Instead, it is when we are the busiest that we need to carve out some time, whether it is a ten minute walk, a yoga class or a quick jog, to get our blood pumping and the oxygen flowing in our body.  This will increase your energy level and your productivity, which will help you to get all that work done.   Research shows that exercise helps reduce the physical symptoms of stress in the body, which will also help you to feel calmer, better able to focus and be more productive.  One great trick that I often use is to find little ways to get more physical movement into my day, especially when I don't have time for a full workout.  For example, park your car in a spot far away from the store and take a longer walk to the door (rather than circling a few extra times to find the closest spot).  Take the stairs instead of the elevator or escalator.  Walk or ride your bike to your destination instead of taking a cab, bus, subway or car.

You can use this same strategy as an opportunity to spend some time outside where you can enjoy the fresh air and the nature around you.  Many studies have shown that simply being outside, and enjoying nature can bring great physical and psychological benefits to people.  Try not to be preoccupied by your thoughts -- your “to do” list and your schedule.  Rather, take a break from the torrent of thoughts and be fully present in your surroundings.    You may be amazed at how nice that can be and how refreshed you will feel.

Eat Healthy Foods and Get Some Rest

When we are busy, we too often cut out the simple pleasure of eating slowly, joyfully, and healthfully.  We grab what we can on the go, and often that “fast food” is unhealthy food.  In addition, we often reward ourselves when we are stressed with food high in fat and sugar.  Unfortunately, the pleasure we feel from eating these foods doesn’t last long and we soon are left feeling bloated, tired (the crash of the sugar high) and upset with ourselves for eating what we did.  Instead, we need to remember to fuel ourselves with fresh, healthy food that will make us feel good not only for the short time we are eating it, but for the rest of the day.  Eating a healthy and nutritious snack will not only give us the energy that we need to get through the day, but it is something that we can do to nourish our souls by treating ourselves to something that is good for us.  Think of eating healthfully as a way to pamper yourself, to treat yourself with great care by filling your body with what it needs to do all that important work and to feel good while doing it.

In addition to eating well, we need to be sure to get plenty of rest.  When we are on vacation, we often feel like we can sleep for days.  We are simply exhausted from our extremely busy schedules at home.  At home, many of us fall into that caffeine trap of needing that morning and afternoon pick me up to give us the energy to make it through the day.  Often those caffeinated drinks are also loaded with sugar (again a sugar and caffeine high followed by a big crash).   Just be aware that your body is telling you that you need to rest, not drink more caffeine.  A good night sleep can do wonders for your body, mind and spirit!

Connect with Family and Friends

Finally, we need to make time to connect with our families and friends. We need to make a conscious effort to have quality family time when we are home and to connect with those special people in our lives.  This is more important than most, if not all, of the things that we put in the way of that time together.   Most of us have heard about the many studies that show that children who have family meals are much less likely to become involved with drugs and alcohol, have better social skills, better grades, and a closer connection to their family.  Those alone are enough reason to take time out to have a family meal.  But taking the time to connect with your family and friends will have incredibly positive effects on you as well.  It makes you feel loved and connected to those closest to you.

After my wonderful sailing adventure, I realized that we don’t have to live for vacation, to count down until the next opportunity we have to treat ourselves well.  We don't need a vacation to enjoy some quiet time or to create quality time with our family and friends.  We can incorporate a little vacation time into every day and treat ourselves to those simple pleasures that will nourish our minds, our bodies and our spirits.

Loving Lovingkindness

Lovingkindness meditation (maitri in Sanskrit and metta in Pali) is a very powerful type of meditation in which we focus our attention on ourselves and on others with a sense of interest, caring and compassion.  The traditional practice of lovingkindness meditation is done by repeating to yourself:  May I Be safe, May I Be happy, May I Be Healthy, May I Live with Ease.  You can direct these phrases to yourself, to someone you love, to someone you have difficulty with, to a neutral person or to everyone. In a world in which there is often a feeling of "us" versus "them" or "me" versus "the world," this practice can be transformative.  It offers us the ability to open our hearts to ourselves and to feel a greater connection to others.  In our daily lives, we are often more accustomed to being critical of ourselves and judgmental of others.  We take stock of our days by listing all that we did wrong, what we could have done better, what we didn't get done at all,  and how we let ourselves down.  We tend to look at others through that same lens.  Instead, lovingkindness teaches us to look at all that we did right each day, and to focus on the goodness in others.

One challenging lovingkindness practice is to offer kind thoughts to those in our lives that we find most difficult.  The practice helps us to recognize that everyone deserves to be loved and everyone wants to be happy.    By opening our hearts even to those that cause us pain, we can create a new perspective from which we view those difficult people.  It helps us focus on the good that each person possesses, and focus less on the negative aspects of their behavior.  As Sharon Salzberg explains in her book Real Happiness, "Sending lovingkindness to a difficult person is a process of relaxing the heart and freeing yourself from fear and corrosive resentment - a profound, challenging, and liberating process . . ."

This type of meditation also offers us the opportunity to recognize that we are all part of something much larger than ourselves and that we are all inextricably connected to one another.  By focusing on the good in others and sending love and caring to the world, we begin to see ourselves in others and to see others in ourselves, no longer the "us" versus "them" mindset.  Ultimately, this practice will help us live a more peaceful, loving and compassionate life.

When I first learned lovingkindness meditation, I must admit that I thought the whole idea was a little hokey.  Could I really feel such love for myself, for others and for the world?  I decided to give it a try.   For the past couple of weeks, I have been ending my meditation practice with some lovingkindness meditation.  Also, during the day, when I am waiting (which I do a lot of), I decided to do some lovingkindness meditation.  In the grocery store line, in the carpool line, in the school pick up line, I have decided that I would much prefer to share some lovingindness than some of the other thoughts that often pervade my brain - - annoyance, impatience, judgment, planning, etc.

At first, the practice may seem a bit awkward, but I must admit that I have found it to be transformative.  First, I am much less critical of myself.  Next,  I have found it to be an incredibly positive and powerful parenting perspective to take note of what each child does well each day, rather than focusing on his or her shortcomings.   I have noticed that the way I act and react to others, both familiar faces and total strangers, is with much more kindness and patience.  I have had many meaningful moments, usually with people I would have never taken the time to acknowledge in the past because I was in too much of a hurry, that have meant a lot to me.  A shared smile with the Starbucks barista, a kind wave to the person who helped me back up in the CVS parking lot, and a short conversation with the parking attendant in a New York city parking garage, all seemed to brighten my day a bit.  My hope is that is also brightened theirs.

So try practicing a little lovingkindness.  Instead of looking at all that we did wrong each day, let's choose to look at all that we did right.  What a rare and beautiful new way to look at ourselves and the world!   So, in the spirit of lovingkindness,

May you be safe, May you be happy, May you be healthy and May you live with ease.

More reading on Lovingkindness

Mind Full or Mindful?

We love this.  It's a great reminder to be more "mindful" and less "mind full".  We hope you like it.

Lessons From My Cushion

As we come to the close of Sharon Salzberg's Real Happiness 28 Day Meditation Challenge, we have been thinking about all of the lessons that we have learned from Real Happiness, and there are many.  Here are a few of the things we learned  . . . (1) Meditation, like life, is challenging.  Some days are easier than others, some days are very difficult.  There are moments of bliss and pure joy, and there are moments of pain and sadness.  Each day is full of new challenges.  You can always begin again.  And, in the end, it is all worth it.

(2) We are all in this together with the common goal of finding our own happiness.  It is wonderful to look around at people during the day, people we know intimately, acquaintances and total strangers, and recognize that we all experience the ups and downs of life, each one of us incredibly special and unique, yet each part of a much larger, intricately connected whole.

(3) Compassion and kindness are the keys to happiness.  Anger, resentment, hostility, and judgment will not lead us down the path to happiness. It is through compassion and lovingkindness that we can find our own true happiness and beauty in the world around us.

(4) The magic is in each breath we take, each individual moment we have.  The goal is to find the time and discipline to be present in each moment and to cherish those moments as they come.

It has been a pleasure learning from all of those who participated in this 28 day meditation challenge.  While the meditation challenge is over, we will continue to learn through our daily meditation practices.  Thank you Sharon for guiding us so beautifully through this experience.  We wish you all real happiness today and everyday!

Reset

Yesterday, my computer stopped working.  I was sitting with many different screens open all at one time -- writing, researching, and communicating.   Suddenly, the computer screen completely froze.   The mouse wouId not budge and my heart slowly sank.  I began to panic.  Would I lose all of my work? Were all of my documents, pictures and what feels like the archives of my life gone forever?  I was desperate to save it all, and with no other ideas in mind to resolve the problem, I did what I try not to do at all costs – I called the computer help line.  I usually try to steer clear of calling for help because I so often get even more frustrated by the long waiting times before I can actually speak to a human being on the other end of the line, and because I fear that after a long ordeal on the phone they will conclude that they cannot help me. I decided that I had no other option.  So, I picked up the phone, dialed and was pleasantly surprised to find a very kind and helpful voice on the other end of the line after a not so terribly long wait.  He so gently assured me that he would do his best to help me figure this out.   I thought about how wonderful it was that there was some stranger out there who patiently and happily was willing to help me with my problem.  After going through a myriad of exercises to get my computer out of this frozen mess with no success, the kind gentleman on the other end of the line had one last suggestion.  He asked me to simply unplug my machine and let it rest quietly for a few minutes.  After all that we had tried, and the potentially devastating possibility that my computer was unfixable, was he really serious that the solution could be so simple?  I then remembered a few months back when my cell phone was doing very strange things and I was also told to simply turn the power off for a few minutes – let is rest.  In that case, and I soon found out in this case as well, that five minutes of quiet for my incredibly overloaded and overworked machine did just the trick.  It revved back up after a much needed respite and started up again, good as new.

Just like our laptops, desktops, cell phones, and smartphones, sometimes we just need to reset.  We get overloaded with information, overcome by the demands on our time, confused by the conflicting feelings and emotions running through our brains and overrun by exhaustion and the physical toll that all of this takes on our bodies.  We need to unplug, to reset, to spend a few minutes in quiet and stillness.  Sometimes just focusing on our breath, on how the simple, natural breath feels in our bodies, is just the reset we need to recalibrate.  In doing simple breathing meditations, we find our calm center and peace of mind and body that will help us restart and continue on our path.

It is so important to pay attention to our physical clues as well, which are often less obvious than the complete shut down of a frozen computer screen.  Our bodies have a way of telling us that we need a reset.  Whether it is tension, muscle ache, pain, stomach upset or fatigue, often our bodies are telling us that we are overloaded and that we need a break in our circuitry, a reset.

It amazed me how my computer, which is so complex and has so much power in helping me to create, to communicate and to learn, could benefit from a simple reset.  Just like our bodies and our minds, which are so incredibly complex, and which hold the ultimate power in creativity, learning and love, we all need a little reset once in while to reconnect with ourselves and that inner calmness that we all have inside.  We just need to unplug from the external stimuli for a bit, take a break from the internal chatter of our minds, and reconnect to that calm, peaceful stillness that is deep inside us all.

The man on the other end of the line suggested that I turn my computer off periodically to prevent this overload from happening again.  I am taking his advice.  Great advice for my computer and myself.  So, just turn it all off for a minute or two, or twenty each day.  Avoid the frozen screen and reset.  Simply breathe.   It is amazing what this can do for us all.

The iWant Generation – Finding Happiness in a Material World

As parents, how many times have we heard: “I want the new iPod . . .I want the new iTouch . . . I want the new Wii . . .I want the new Xbox . . .?”  Our children are told by the all-powerful television and the all-knowing internet, about the games, devices, toys and new shows that they absolutely must buy or watch in order to make their lives complete. First, I must confess that I am a huge fan of technology and all things Apple.  Let me also tell you that no one has a more effective marketing strategy than that elegantly simple, plain white silhouette of a fruit.  Yet, there is something inherently disturbing about their underlying message or at least what most of us take away from their marketing strategy.  Can we survive, can we be our very best, can we be happy and complete without the latest and greatest new version of the iWhatever?

Let’s also be honest here, the proverbial apple doesn’t fall from the tree.  It is not just our children who want more, need more and are looking for what will make them truly happy, fulfilled or complete.  As adults, we are continually looking for the next big thing.  What will make us truly happy?

Ah . . .but this is the crux of the problem (and the brilliance of Apple).  We will never find it (happiness, contentment, fulfillment) where they want us to look.  We will continually need to keep looking, keep buying.  Perhaps the marketing team at Apple studied ancient Eastern philosophy?  The human quest for fulfillment has become something like a dog chasing his own tail, always running after that one thing he wants so badly, only to find that the elusive prize is not quite within his reach.

When we look outside ourselves for happiness, we will only identify what we lack.  When we look at what others have, we evaluate ourselves in their light and identify what we don’t have, rather than what we do have.  Deborah Adele said it beautifully in her description of our quest for Contentment:

When we expect the world to meet our needs, we turn outside of ourselves to find sustenance and completion.  We expect our partners to fulfill us, our jobs to meet our needs and success to solve our problems.  And when it doesn’t, we continue to play the “if only” game, looking for that one more thing.  Or we play the “planning” game or the “regretting” game.  We let our contentment be managed by all of these uncontrollable variables.  As long as we think satisfaction comes from an external source, we can never be content.  Looking outside for contentment will always disappoint us and keep contentment one step out of reach. The Yamas and the Niyamas.

So, don’t look to others to make you happy.  Don’t depend upon material things to meet your needs.  That new car, new house, new clothes, new iPhone, will not be the ultimate source of your happiness or the cure-all for whatever it is that you are lacking.  Don’t get me wrong, it is fun to buy things, but try to remember all that you already have.  Everything you need to be happy and complete you already have inside of you.  You just have to reach deep enough and sit quietly enough to find it.

Maybe instead of the iWant Generation, we can teach this lesson to ourselves and to our children, and become the iHave Generation!

What is going on in that crazy head of mine?

The most common response I get when I ask someone to join me in a meditation class is, “I could never sit still for 20 minutes to meditate.  My mind never stops racing!”   I completely understand that feeling because I used to feel the same way.   Not long ago, before I began on this journey 2bpresent, I would often complain that I just needed a few minutes of peace and quiet.  But I realized one day that even sitting in a quiet room did not do the trick because much of that “noise” was in my head, not in the room.   Why is it that our minds are constantly racing and what is all that chatter up there? I like to refer to this “chatter” as our inner dialogue.  It is that voice you hear over and over again in your head.  What is your inner voice saying?  Are you planning for the future, organizing your day, worrying about someone or something, judging yourself or someone else, feeling guilty about what you did or did not do, fearing something that might happen,  feeling anxious or annoyed?  I would guess that these thoughts take up a majority of space in our heads every day.

Now, ask yourself, “What benefit am I getting from all of these thoughts?”  Often these thoughts are taking us out of the present moment, and causing us to feel stressed and anxious, but those thoughts are not actually helping us at all.  I was sitting in a course recently when the group leader said that she usually wakes up and immediately begins to plan her day, “First, I need to get the kids dressed and ready for school, get myself ready for work, get everyone fed and where they need to go, get my work done, pick everyone up from school, get them dinner, help them with their homework, and then it is off to bed we go.  I can’t wait until tonight when the day is done. ”  This was all being thought out as she woke up and was getting out of bed.  She explained that she was essentially missing out on the opportunity to enjoy her day because she was so busy planning for it to be over.  There is nothing wrong with planning, but you can lose sight of your journey through your day, if you are more focused on how to arrive at its end.  How often do we all do this – we focus on the goal or the destination in the future so much that we lose the opportunity to enjoy the present moment?

If you become aware of your thoughts, you will find that the majority of those thoughts have to do with some past event or some possible future event (one that may never actually happen at all), not what is happening right now.  If we don’t learn to clear those thoughts, we miss the joy of being truly present in the moment.

Another question you may ask yourself is, “Why do we continue to have these thoughts if they are unpleasant and unproductive?”  If we see a really bad movie, and we are annoyed that we have wasted our time, we don’t go back to the movie theater and watch it over and over again.  Yet, when we have an unpleasant experience (we fight with a friend, get annoyed with someone’s behavior, or miss a business opportunity), we tend to relive that experience over and over again in our heads, each time bringing up the same unpleasant emotions.  Why do we do this?  I think the answer is twofold.

First, it is habit.  We are so used to thinking this way, that we have a hard time just letting go of those thoughts.  Second, we get a bit of a rush, a shot of adrenaline from being upset and this can be addicting.  I think that in this country many of us are adrenaline addicts.  If we are not moving at a rapid pace, worrying, anxious, moving quickly, then we feel we are not really living.  But is this frenetic pace really making us happy, or healthy for that matter?  How do we feel at the end of the day – fulfilled, happy and peaceful OR exhausted and depleted?

Take some quiet moments to look into your own thoughts.  What is going on in your head?  Are you ready for a change?

Peace Despite the Stick

For those of you new to our blog here is a little information about my home life. I have two amazing dogs. They are both labradoodles....Chip is 3 years old and has a very old soul...He weighs about 70lbs. Taz is a puppy and still is full of all of that frenetic puppy energy and he weighs about 25lbs. Chip loves to lay on the lawn stretched out with his face resting on the grass. Today I took a look out of the window and saw Chip laying peaceful as he usual does all stretched out. This was not an unusual sight for me or anyone who lives near us to see, but what struck me as so odd was that he wasn't moving despite the fact that Taz had a long stick half resting on his back and half on the grass that he was stepping on and biting. Each time Taz climbed onto Chips back to bite the stick more I expected Chip to turn around and snarl at him. It never happened, Chip was so at peace even while Taz was climbing and jumping on him. It struck me as so powerful that he could be so peaceful with this annoying young puppy jumping and poking him with this stick. As I think about my day ahead and all of the pokes I will invariable experience with "Sticks," I will summon my inner Chip to carry me through each of these situations.

Just Breathe

When I told some friends that the secret to inner peace and calm is to just breathe, my great discovery was met with skepticism and disbelief, and even a few chuckles here and there.  But I am sticking to my guns and promise that it is all about the breath. We all breathe every day, all day, from the moment we are born until the moment we die.  We think that we are pretty good at it given the fact that we don’t even need to think about it 99% of the time, it just happens.  So, how can breathing be the magical key to calm?

To understand how profound the link is between breathing and finding our inner peace, we must first understand a little more about the breath.  In many cultures, the process of breathing is considered to be the essence of being.  In yoga, the breath is known as the prana or the universal energy that balances the body and mind, the conscious with the unconscious, and the sympathetic with the parasympathetic nervous system.  The breath is rather unique, because unlike other bodily functions, we can control it.  It is both voluntary and involuntary.  The breath offers us the ability to influence the sympathetic nervous system, which regulates digestion, blood pressure, heart rate and other bodily functions.  Therefore, controlling our breath offers us an incredible tool to help regulate our bodies in ways that otherwise are much more difficult to control.

Getting the most out of each breath

So we know that the breath is incredibly important, but are we making the most of each breath we take?

Have you ever watched a baby sleep or a dog stretched out, lying on the floor?  If so, notice their breath, notice what is moving? When the baby or the dog (any animal will do) is breathing, it is not their chest or their shoulders that are in motion.  Rather their belly, just below the rib cage and above the pelvis region, moves out with each inhale and in with each exhale.  Now think about when the doctor asks you or your child to take a deep breath, what do you do?  Most of the time, when asked to breathe deeply, we puff up our chests, raise our shoulders and suck in our stomachs, as we gasp in and then lower our chests and shoulders, and release our abdomen as we force our breath out.

This type of chest breathing is not our deepest or most natural breath.  It is not our best breath.  It is not the breath that we were born with.  It is not the breath that allows us to fill our whole lungs with that much needed oxygen.  Instead, it is our conditioned breath.  It is our response to years (and sadly only a few short years in children and teenagers) of teaching ourselves how to breathe incorrectly.  It is the result of stress, anxiety, worry and fear.  It is the result of losing that amazing ability that babies and animals have to not stress out.  They don’t sit around stewing about something someone just said to them, or fearing failing at a new endeavor, or worrying about a child.  They are divinely connected to their inner calm.

So why do we resort to chest breathing so often, particularly in stressful situations?

Think caveman times. In caveman days, an important part of human survival was the fight or flight response, when we needed to sense fear and respond to it, so as not to be eaten by a lion.  It was a vital survival mechanism.  But in 21^st century living, we are almost always far removed from an actual life or death situation, yet this fight or flight response is often triggered in our daily lives.  Once the fight or fight response is activated by a stress trigger, we may experience increased heart rate, rapid and shallow breathing, tensing of muscles (abdominal, chest, shoulders, etc.), perspiration, tingling in our fingers and toes, and digestive problems (just to name a few).  We may experience these when we can’t find our keys, when we are running late, when we are worried about a child, when we make a mistake at work, or when we have to speak in front of a large crowd.  This physiological response to a perceived danger may have helped the caveman fight off a lion or run away from a charging tiger, but in modern times it usually does not save our life, but rather causes us great discomfort and dis-ease.  (Yes – disease, much more on that later.)

Chronic stress and the continual trigger of the physiological responses associated with the fight or flight response can lead to a restriction in the muscles surrounding the lungs, limiting the range of motion in the chest wall.  When the chest can no longer fully expand, the breath becomes shallow.  This chest breathing is much less efficient than belly breathing because it limits the amount of blood flowing in the lower lobes of the lungs, less oxygen transfers into the blood and poor nutrients go to the tissues.

Just by initiating good belly breathing -- slow, steady abdominal breathing -- you can greatly influence your body during stressful situations causing a stimulation of the parasympathetic nervous system resulting in a reversal of those negative physiological responses that can be so harmful to our health and well being.  Proper breathing helps to relax the muscles in the abdomen, chest, back, and all over the body.  Creating a greater passage for air to fill the lungs, allowing the diaphragm to fully expand and contract.

What we all experience each day, and have accumulated countless moments of throughout our lives, is the negative effects of the fight or flight response.  The good news is – you can relearn to breathe properly!  You can practice taking slow, deep, abdominal breaths and regain that amazing ability to reconnect with your calm, peaceful self, much like that sleeping baby.  (And by the way, sound sleep is an important byproduct of learning to breath properly)

Meditation and mindfulness are intricately related to the breath.  If you can sit still, and simply follow your breath as it moves in your nostrils, down into your lungs and abdomen, and back up and out your nose, guess what – you are meditating!  Simply by sitting still and paying attention to your breath (and only your breath), you are automatically clearing your mind.  That’s all you need to do!  So, the first step to finding your inner peace and calm is to simply practice breathing.  I promise, if done correctly, you will feel better almost instantly.  The great news is that you can practice breathing anywhere, at a stop light, in a carpool pick up line, in the subway, in a movie theater, on an airplane, anywhere!  You have all of the tools you need with you at all times.  Pretty cool!

Many people pull breathing out of their bag of relaxation tricks when they are faced with a stressful situation.  I would encourage you not to save these breathing techniques for moments of stress and anxiety, but practice this breathing every day. Just as we need to train our muscles to run a race, we need to train our muscles to breath correctly. The amazing thing is, if you practice your breathing regularly, the benefits are incredible!  Not only can you avoid those nasty physical effects of the fight or flight response, you are actually creating a new, calmer and more peaceful you. The new you will have a greater capacity to shrug off many of those slightly annoying or even highly anxiety producing triggers of the fight or flight response. You may even find that the trigger that normally sets you off, may no longer bother you at all.  You can breath right through it!